Hope in You

"You are strong Olivia. You can do this." Those are the words that I literally would say out loud to myself every day. I don't really know why I would say them. I didn't feel strong and I didn't think I could do it. I was in beauty school at the time and it is ironic because I felt like I was the opposite of "beauty". I counted down the days until I would be done and could
rebuild myself, so to say. I remember my last day and the amazing feeling I had when I was done. I had tears running down my face as I left and I knew I would never go back.

"Come on Olivia you can do this." I found myself saying this again. This time it was different. I felt weak but I knew I was strong but I just was scared and having a weak moment. This time I was in scrubs waiting to go get an MRI for my back. As they took me back may things were going through my head-- I want my mom. What are the results going to be? I want the results now. 

Once again. "Olivia you are strong." This time I was weak. I was pretty much at my whits end. Questions and thoughts ran through my head. "Why me?" "You are 21 with fibromyalgia." "You will never feel better."

A thought came to me this week. I am strong. I am 21, and a heck of 21 year old!  And I can do this.

Life is tough. At times you may feel weak and like you can't do it. But guess what?  You did it and are doing it. You, yes you, have overcome so much. No matter how hard the journey has been. No matter the bad thoughts,  no matter the frightened moments, there is something that has endured it all. And that is you. You have decided that whatever choices you have made or bad mistakes you have chosen,  you aren't going to let it rule your life.

To anyone reading this, you are amazing. Tell yourself out loud daily. You are strong. And no matter what --there is always hope. Hope for the future, hope for now, and hope in you.

Hope in Luck

     I have always had the worst luck. I am actually known for it!   For example, my brother and sister decided to take me mountain biking.. seemed fun. They are both super fit and I had recently lost weight so I thought "what the hay?"  Long story short, the brakes went out on my sister's bike I was using. I was going down hill and I went over the handle bars, cutting my leg on the chain!   In  a more recent "bad luck" story I tore my MCL skiing.  Sounds ligit, right? Well, I was skiing but I was actually dancing and tripped with my skis on.  Rather embarrassing!
     When I made the move to Provo my mom gave me a sign that says, "The harder you work, the luckier you get." We all laughed because I think of my life as quite comical. However I really have loved it and it has been a constant reminder to me.
     Since I have been in Provo I have been working super hard. I have been hoping that someone would notice. And I know that sounds selfish of me, but with how much my body hurts on a daily basis it would mean so much. I have recently been lucky. I got promoted.  Luck?  Nope.
     I kept catching myself saying how lucky I was. It wasn't luck. It, in fact, was a blessing. I think sometimes we get so caught up in all of the negative things in life. It is SO easy to do this. Why? Because a lot of the time these negative things seem so huge and they affect us or sometimes there seems to be more negative things engulfing us than positive. Our Father in Heaven doesn't give us ANYTHING that He knows we can't concur or endure.
     He gives us "bad luck" for us to realize the good. He gives us good so we will be grateful for the bad times that helped us get to those good times. He gave me Fibromyalgia so I can realize how precious my body is. I used to think of it as a curse. But, shame on me for ever having that cross my mind. I am so blessed. I have never in my life been so grateful for everything I have and everything that I took for granted. I now look at "Luck" differently. For anyone struggling in the luck department, I challenge you to work. Work so hard at whatever is hard for you in your life.  I promise you that you will find blessings pour down on you.  Support will begin to surround you.
     I have felt more loved these past few months  than I have in my entire life. Thank you. Thank you for caring for me enough to read this. Thank you for being there when I feel weak. Thank you for making me realize that luck doesn't just come but it is something you have to work for. But most of all thank you to my Father in Heaven for giving me defeat, trials, and hard times so I realized how truly blessed I am.